Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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