dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize