he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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