Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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