AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
