I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
