I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
