ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
