I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
