i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
