HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
