Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
