You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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