I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
