Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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