Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
