no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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