Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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