just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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