So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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