Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
