Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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