upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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