??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
