i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
