It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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