Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
