he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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