fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
