like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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