dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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