u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
