you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
