So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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