Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
