he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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