I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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