Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
