She said her name was "party"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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