I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think i have two assholes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
