Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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