saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
