So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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