Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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