sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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