If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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