He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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