my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
as a side note pls kill me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
