Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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