Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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