Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
