Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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