You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
