Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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