My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
