I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
