Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
