The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
