I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this just has baby written all over it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize