Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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