I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
