did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
