I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
