hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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