You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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