i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
