Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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