So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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