So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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