I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
