I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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