Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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