What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
