Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
