funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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