my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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