He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
