i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
